Motherhood

I am at awe of people who can put thoughts and feelings into words, poetry, or song so eloquently. A friend sent me this link to a utube video. Without telling you what the video is about, I'll just say that it puts into words exactly how I feel about being a Mom...and having kids growing up and out of the "nest."

Please take the time to click the link and watch it. It speaks to the journey of motherhood...it's a powerful reminder of how important our work as Mothers is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olSyCLJU3O0

The Dash - Make it Meaningful

Sometimes I find that it hard to put into words how I am feeling or thinking. That's when I have to default to others. I love this short movie and it's message. Take a minute to watch it.

http://thedashmovie.com



I strive to make my dash as meaningful and productive as I can. Being the best person I can be and living my life to the fullest.

Champion Mindset

I speak regularly to groups of high school baseball and softball players. I address things like the importance of goal setting, confidence, letting go of errors, emotional control and focus.

This week, we talked about having a mental game plan. Being prepared mentally to handle what might come up in a game. As I wrote out ten steps to the Champion's Mindset...I realized it was a good blog topic. Not only can we adhere to these ten steps on the playing field, but we can also apply them to our lives.

Here's the Ten Steps to a Champion's Mindset Game Plan. Apply these to YOUR life and sport!

1. Perform/Live in the NOW. The NOW is the only "time zone" you have control over. Stay in the now by focusing on the task at hand.
2. If you find yourself stuck in the past or worrying about the future, then recognize that you've left the NOW and gently bring yourself back to it. Getting distracted and leaving the now is not a problem as long as you can bring yourself back quickly.
3. Keep track of your UCs (UnControllables): If you realize you are distracted by or focused on things that you have no control over, go back to #2. Recognize you are focused on it and then bring yourself back. Uncontrollables are things like the weather, your opponents, the fans, a bad call by the ump. Things you can not control!
4. Use focal points or cue words: A focal point is something you lock your attention on to help focus. For pitchers it could be the catcher's mitt. In life, it could be your breathing. Breathing also helps you stay in the now!
5. Stay Calm: In sports and life, you can not play or live your best when you are anxious, uptight or wound up. You'll perform your best when you are physically and mentally relaxed. Learn relaxation techniques to help you. My goal for any performance is to be "Ready, Relaxed and Confident"
6. Trust yourself; let it happen. When you try too hard your muscles will tighten and you will be counter-productive. Trust your training, trust yourself and let the performance happen. When you try harder you work outside of yourself...trusting yourself allows you to work within yourself.
7. Leave your mistakes in the past: Have a routine that allows you to "let it go." If you carry your error or mistake into your next play, chances are your next play will not be your best. By developing a mistake routine you can simply let go and refocus. The routine can include things like positive self-talk, "relax, let it go", remind yourself to focus on the task at hand. Or use your breathing...with your exhale, let it go and with a fresh inhale, refocus.
8. Use your negative self-talk as a reminder.
Negative chatter can often creep into our minds. However, you don't have to choose to listen to it. Pretend the negatives chatter is in a foreign language. You don't understand the content...but you can hear the foreign language. Use it as a cue to refocus.
9. Keep your goals close at hand. Write your goals down and keep them with you. After a game or while in the dugout or while having a cup of tea, review your plan to check which goals you have accomplished and which ones need more work.
10. Always have a contingency plan. If what you may plan for today does not work out, have a contingency plan for what you can do.

Going Backwards to Move Forward?

I was just working with a client who told me she was leaving for a trip to India on December 26th, the day after Christmas. As she told me this, I was thinking, "wow, what a tough time to leave for a long trip to a far away land." She continued to tell me her reasons for going and how the trip came about. It all made sense...but I continued to wonder how she'd manage it all.

As we talked, she realized she had many thoughts and ideas whirling in her head about how she would manage it all. We often make our lists of all the things that need to happen in our heads. And, what happens? We begin to feel overwhelmed. The picture we create in our heads is of a list a mile long.

The first thing we did was to look ahead to the day she was leaving. How did she want to feel? She wanted to feel that everything was in order with work and her family so she could leave and not feel worried.

The key for my client was to work backwards from the outcome. Next step was to stop, remove the list from her head and write it down. It helps clearly map out the tasks that need to be addressed. Writing it down serves three purposes. First, it allows us to see what needs to happen. Next, it allows us to organize the list into categories, or blocks. And finally, we're able put into action, each day, small pieces to accomplish the final goal.

As she did this exercise, she laughed and said, I'm going to write on an index card the things I need to do each day. A GREAT idea. An index card does not allow for lots of writing. It's big enough for only 6-7 tasks. And six tasks is plenty to accomplish each day towards that final outcome of leaving for a trip and feeling no worries.

The other beauty of an index card? You can throw it away when you've crossed the tasks off the list.

Next time you're planning something big or working towards a goal. Take the time to work backwards, write down everything then chunk it down and use an index card to celebrate each day's accomplishments.

Learning from the World Champions: Staying Composed

I watched with awe the six games of the World Series. I was in awe of the players’ focus and composure during a long stretch of intense games. Not only did the Yankees and Phillies endure a long, hard, season, they endured six very exciting championship games. The ability of players like Alex Rodriquez, Derek Jeter, Johnny Damon, and Mariano Rivera to keep their composure during these key games displays the mark of true champions.

I often witness young softball or baseball players, especially in high stakes games, get upset or angry after they miss a play, strike-out, or there is a bad call. Championship games often cause young athletes to expect perfection. The pressure, a perfectionist’s attitude, and a player’s own high expectations can cause the players to play too tense and thus cause emotional upset when things aren’t going well.

The World Series proved a great testing ground for both the Yankees and the Phillies’ composure. The stakes are high, the want for the seasons’ hard work to pay off is great, and the duration of the intense games was drawn out. However,
when looking at the player’s faces while they were at bat, the same composed face appeared with each and every at bat. As Rodriquez was quoted as saying, “The goal was to come in and simplify things this year, and I've done that. I think it's a formula that worked this year, and it will work in the future. Winning is the only goal, and I've never experienced such an amazing feeling."

In baseball and in life, composure is an important skill. One the champion athletes have learned to master and one that we can bring to our own lives.
Just as ARod points out in the game of baseball, simplify things. In life we’re often faced with our own “world series”…having to stay composed while trying to reason with a two year old, staying composed before giving a speech, staying composed while going for an important interview or staying composed in a fast paced society. Simplifying allows us to stay focused, relaxed and in the moment.

Here are five ingredients to staying composed under pressure:

1. Keep it simple. Be aware of the pressure you put on yourself. Let go of perfection. Stay focused on what you need to do in the moment to do your best.
2. Prepare for each game/situation the same way each time. Routine preparation helps build confidence and allows us to stay focused. Again, keep it simple.
3. Don’t compare yourself or your team to the opponents. Size, numbers, nicer uniforms, etc. have nothing to do with how YOU perform. Stay focused on your preparation and your game.
4. Anticipate the challenges that you might face and have a plan to prepare yourself for them. Any game or situation will have challenges. Be prepared with a plan.
5. Butterflies and pregame jitters are normal. It’s your body’s way of saying you are ready. Take time before the game to gather the energy of the butterflies and guide them to fly in formation.

A Meaningful Poem

A friend recently sent me one of those forwarded emails. This quote was part of the email. It's an important philosophy that we all can adapt.

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it."

What is fear?

Fear comes up when we want to make changes. Why is that? What is fear?
Fear starts in your mind. Fear is a reaction to what you are thinking within your own mind. Fear is not outside of ourselves. Fear resides within us.

When you sense fear, your body must be alerted to it by your mind. So, to understand that fear begins in your mind is the first step to overcoming it.

As I have said before on this blog; our thoughts drive our actions. Therefore, fearful thoughts evoke fearful physical actions. Like tension, sweaty hands, nervous stomach, weak knees, the want to retreat. Along with these outer bodily actions our stress hormones are activated along with our fight or flight response.

Everyone has fears. I had a tremendous fear of water. What's important is not that you have fears, but how you handle them. Think of any champion athlete who competes in a tough sport like kayaking class 5 rapids in the Colorado River. Champions learn to master their fears well enough to get the job done. Champions don't let fear stand in their way!

As I mentioned earlier, I had a phobia of water. My fear was huge. How did I learn to overcome my fear? Here are 10 steps to master your fear.

1. Remember fear is in the mind. Recognize this. Awareness is the first step.
2. Fear is another way of saying, "I can't handle it." Ask yourself what you can't handle? My answer was, "I can't handle the thought that if I get tired while swimming, I'll be exhausted, noone will see me, and I'll drown." Dig into exactly what you are fearing will happen or won't happen.
3. Take small steps towards building your strength. For me it was learning to swim. I joined a swim group twice a week, in the safety of a pool, to increase the distance I could swim. Take small, safe steps. Fear can stop us dead in our tracks if we allow it to. Taking any action towards it...quiets it.
4. Get support. My fear was of open water. I got support by asking a friend who was a very strong swimmer to accompany me in a practice open water swim. He stayed right next to me while we swam in a lake together.
5. To control your fear try singing! Yes, sing to yourself. It helps to control your breathing and calms you down. It's a great distraction from your mind.
6. Stay in the NOW. Focus on what you need to do in the moment...right now. It will inch you forward towards overcoming the fear. When I swam my first open water race...I just focused on my stroke. I did not focus on the water, my thoughts, or anything other than putting my arms into the water and stroking.
7. Think positive. Review the steps you have taken and see your progress. Create positive affirmations you can repeat to yourself over and over.
8. Embrace fear. Recognize it. Without the experience of moving past fear, there is no growth. You can't be successful if your not moving forward.
9. Remember the Wizard in the "Wizard of Oz?" He said, "Pay no attention to the mad behind the curtain." Pay no attention to what you create in your mind!
10. JUST DO IT! The fear you feel is nothing compared to the growth, excitment and success you will feel in overcoming the fear. So, go for it!